I am so glad to finally be home. I don't know what the hell was in the air, but all of my customers were either totally brain dead or over-the-top obnoxious today. Actually, most of them were both.

First off, whoever left something to die and rot in the comfy chairs needs to get a damn life. We never did find the exact source of the stench. It. Was. Vile.

Next, when I am paged to the front to deal with the mindless hordes trying to check out, it would really help if the center aisle isn't clogged with drunken cattle impersonators. Get your foul-breathed slow-stumbling asses out of my way!

And when I finally get up to the front and start ringing you up, don't answer every question with a blank look and a low groan. Oh, and you REALLY need to get to the dentist to see if those last three teeth can be saved. And what's with the drooling, anyway?

Sweet gods people, USE DEODORANT! Please! You smell like a pig farm!

I think today broke the record for customers who didn't know anything about the book they wanted. Stop reaching and grabbing at me (what was up with that; hands off!!!!!) and tell me what you want! And speak up! I don't speak mumble!

For the last time, THERE IS NOT A BOOK CALLED BRRRRAAAAIIIINNNNSSSS! I think Oprah featured a book with a similar title recently, because I had a huge number of requests for it. Most of the stoned hordes were happy with a copy of The Secret, much to my great relief.

Just to add to the wonderful day, we had a woman FREAK OUT in the store today. She seriously grabbed my arm and tried to drag me out of the store, all the while screaming about the undead and sobbing. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. You gotta feel for the poor thing. We had to call the cops on her, not that their manners were reassuring.

I was very glad not to have to be in the cafe at all today. You would not believe the lines. Mind you, other than the lady who freaked, I didn't have a single customer who wasn't in desperate need of a massive dose of caffeine, and I mean massive. Jeesh.

I won't even go into how bad my drive home was. Traffic jams, idiots who couldn't stay in their lanes, and some sort of massive protest march - complete with torches! I'll have to watch the news to see what the hell was going on. It was very interesting, but unsettling enough that I didn't want to stick around. Very creepy vibe there.

ps. Click here for an amusing meme. If I can think of anything, I might join in. ;)