So, the Supreme Court has decided that child rape is not enough to justify an execution.

And I am glad.

I am a survivor of child rape, and I am glad that the death penalty will no longer be allowed in such cases.

Why?

Well, for one thing, the death penalty doesn't fix anything. We in this country like to believe that it deters crime, but there is no evidence to say it does. Ultimately, I think it just provides a false sense of security. I don't happen to believe that is enough to justify killing someone.

There is also the fact that the death penalty has been applied unfairly. People of color are far more likely than white folks to end up on death row, as are the ones who commit crimes against caucasians. How can we claim this is fair? Money also plays an unfair role in this form of "justice". If you rich, you are more likely to avoid capital punishment.

And what about the fact that innocent people have been put to death. Trust me, it has happened. There is no way that are government has killed so many people without making a terrible mistake. There have been innocent people who have made it off of death row, but we can't have caught all of the mistakes.

Then there is the simple fact that you can survive rape. Even child rape. I might not have the Greatest Life Ever, but I am glad to be alive even though I was raped as a kid. Was it easy? Oh, hell no. But I made it.

And I don't believe that anyone should die for something that I survived.

No, I don't believe in revenge.

We should be better than that.

Anderson Cooper just teased a story about one community calling for special license plates for convicted sex offenders. He made a reference to these plates telling kids who is safe or not safe to approach.

AAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Repeat after me, guys: not all dangerous people have been convicted!

I firmly believe that these plates will not make anyone safer.

We have to teach kids that they have the right to say no, and that they will not get in trouble for someone else's actions, no matter what threats a person may make. We have to listen and believe the kids who come forward. We have to give them the support they need both to come forward and to deal with the effects of abuse.

We have to make it unsafe to harm a child. We have to make sure these predators know that they will be caught if they hurt a kid.

Will it make everyone feel better to have some sort of marker for those who have already been found to be dangerous? I suppose so. I just think that it won't solve the real problems in our society. I also don't think that it will solve anything to brand people who have to live in public. If they have a green license plate or a sign in their front yard, or if they have to go door to door in their neighborhood, they will have no place to go to live, or work.

So, what do we do with the offenders? Hell if I know. All I'm sure of is that there is no easy answer.

Thoughts?

It's yet another story tonight. How to you protect your kids from being molested?

You listen. You make sure that your kids can talk to you if they are uncomfortable. You make sure they know that they can say "no". You tell them and show them that you will listen and believe.

It isn't about barring known sex offenders. None of my molesters were registered.

It isn't about a "safe" neighborhood. There is no such thing. No matter how quiet your street is. No matter how rich. No matter how "good".

You make sure they know they can say "no". Kids need to know that, if something feels wrong or uncomfortable, they don't have to endure it. Yes, there are times when we have to go through things that make us uncomfortable, but there are good reasons. We have to help kids understand the difference between, say, vaccinations and molestation. Tell them ahead of time if they have to go through an uncomfortable medical treatment.

Is this easy? No. Can you do this without making kids afraid of everything and everyone? Yes. Good strangers don't hurt us or make us feel bad or touch us in places that should be safe and intimate and fun unless we want them to. Good strangers and good touches shouldn't be secret because we can't tell anyone. Secrets shouldn't be between adults who don't want to talk about it, or who choose what is secret.

What is the main theme? Safety and what feels good. If something feels wrong, there should be no secrets. If something feels good, it shouldn't be treated like a bad secret. Sharing should be safe.

These are things that are difficult to deal with when you are talking about a kid. I know that. But I also know they can be dealt with and survived. No matter how bad they get. Life goes on and can get better.

If you are a kid dealing with something that feels wrong or bad, tell someone. Please. I mean it. If someone really cares about you, and doesn't want you to be hurt, then they will want you to share. If an adult tells you to keep a secret that doesn't involve a surprise party, then someone else should know. Please. I mean it.

I've been there before.

Warren Jeffs has long been a nightmarish figure to me. He managed to create his own little dictatorship in this country, with laws that were entirely his own invention, with every citizen a member of his cult. He was able to institutionalize the sexual abuse of girls, and the banishment of boys. He created a society as closed and oppressive as North Korea. Right here in the United States.

I find myself searching his televised face for some sign of what he is, and I just don't see it. Physically, he reminds me rather strongly of a good friend of mine. He actually looks like someone I could trust.

That's what really scares me, I think. That he could have fooled me. I rely on my instincts about people to tell me when to beware, and Warren Jeffs doesn't set off the alarm bells for me. If I hadn't seen him on television so often, I wouldn't think twice of him if I saw him in the store, or if he moved into the neighborhood. Would my reaction be different of I saw him in person? Would I be able to see the evil in his eyes? I honestly don't know.

This nerdy looking guy, who looks about as frightning as a young child, was able to do so much harm we may never be able to calculate it.

And for the longest time, the authorities didn't seem to even be trying to get him.

I am so glad this one has been caught at long last.

Attention all customers:

DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, walk up behind me and GRAB MY SHOULDER.

Don't do it. I mean it. Seriously. I really don't care why you wanted to do that.

Better yet, don't touch me at all. We'll both be happier that way.

Yours truly,
The bookseller who had to fight back a panic attack.

There are things that set me off way too easily.

The top story on tonight's local news was one that gives me a stomach ache. I am still so angry I'm shaking as I type this.

The former coach of a high school girl's soccer team has been arrested for possession of child pornography. Other charges may be pending, and he had previously faced charges of crossing state lines with the intention of having sex with two children.

All of this makes me feel sick, but none of it surprises me anymore.

What got me was the reaction of a man who had once rented the suspect a room. He thinks they should let the man go, because the charges are only misdemeanors. This idiot was basically saying that this was some sort of persecution, that there was no real crime involved. That the suspect was a nice guy.

Enough already.

I can understand not wanting to believe. I can understand that no one wants to find  out that they know a monster. It's the simple refusal to take the situation seriously that gets me. Every time.

Maybe I'm to easily upset by these things. All right, so I am almost certainly too sensitive to it. I've been having flashbacks to being raped and molested as a child, and being the object of an attempted rape later on. I was victimized by three seperate men and no one saw it coming. One  of them was a teenager who was seen as a nice kid by the adults in the neighborhood.

Only one of them ever faced charges for what he did to me. I am very glad that it was taken seriously by the powers that be, and he did go to prison for what he did.

That's a fact that I still have a hard time with. I simply didn't have it in me to tell what happened to me when I was younger, but I still regret my silence.

I am sure that if I were to speak to the families and friends of these men, I would be told that I had to be wrong about them, that they are all nice guys. That they shouldn't face punishment for what they did because what they did wasn't that bad, or that they had been misunderstood, or that they had misunderstood the situation. That I must be making things up to place blame for my problems on someone else. There are a thousand excuses for not pressing charges, for letting them go.

There is one reason not to.

They will hurt other kids if they get the chance.

For every child who goes to the authorities and faces the trial, there are many others who keep their silence, whose stories are never told. There are others who collapse during the process of seeking justice.

No matter what the family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers of that former coach have to say about the matter, none of them can convince me that he hasn't hurt several kids. I don't think there is any coincidence that he had a job that put him in contact with young people. The fact that his charges were teenagers doesn't entirely fit the profile, but that doesn't make me think better of him. There have been too many studies of child predators that show too clearly that these people deliberately seek out jobs and situations that put them on contact with potential victims.

What I really want to ask the former landlord is this: what about your children? What about your neighbor's children?  Are you so sure they haven't faced this man's sickness? Are you so sure of your impression of this man that you are willing to endanger every child this man ever comes in contact with?