I had two rather interesting customers within about ten minutes today.

The first one walked up behind a woman who was asking me a question. He stood so close to her I assumed they were together.

She approached me first. "I am looking for your xyz section."

This was easy for me. "Right this way," I tell her and start to walk towards that section.

Then the man spoke up. "ASIANS!"

The other customer and I looked at each other, then stared at him. All three of us are white, I should point out.

"I, um, is that the title?"

"No, it's a series, like two shelves of books! ASIANS!"

I have no clue what series he is talking about. "Do you know the author?"

"No! No author! Asian culture and history!" Oh. I tell him I will take him to the sections as soon as I help the woman (I had finally clued into the fact that they were strangers to each other). A coworker had heard the entire conversation from the service desk and walked over to help the man. He greeted her by shouting "ASIANS!" I was quite relieved that I was done with the man.

Then there was the other guy. He asked me for books in French. I walk him to the admittedly tiny selection we carry.

"Is this all you have? You used to have a couple of shelves worth!" Well, not that much, but I wasn't going to argue. We certainly don't carry as many as we used to. Not knowing what to say, I shrug and tell him there are more titles we can order for him. "Is it because no one buys them?"

"Pretty much," I tell him. It was the truth, after all.

"Well, I hope it isn't because people are buying books in Spanish!"

Um, what?

I just walked away. There wasn't anything polite I could have said at that point.

ASIANS!

Officer H was in the store tonight and I got the chance to chat with him a bit. It seems he spent thirty years in retail, most of that as either a manager or business owner. He agrees with me about the old saw "the customer is always right". As in, they are, unless they are dead wrong.

I think it may have been that experience that lead him to getting the shopping center patrol.

His other job on the force is crime scene work, so he is sometimes called away from the shopping center. When that happened today, he got a call about an incident in front of one of the stores. The officer who called him said that a store was complaining about a woman panhandling and bothering customers. H told him to tell her to leave. The other officer called back when he arrived on the scene. "It's Naked Fat Lady."

H rolled his eyes and said "Ban her."

I had to interrupt the tale at that point. "Naked Fat Lady?"

"Yep. She started taking off her clothes in a store one day."

Wow. "I'm sorry I missed that one."

H Shuddered. "No, you're not," he told me. "It was scary."

He's probably right. If she is the woman I think she may be, he is definitely right.

It's so nice working in such a quiet, uneventful place.

One of my coworkers saw this sign, and I had to steal it so it wouldn't go in the dumpster:



Too bad the book cover didn't have the same misspelling.

In other news, we had a rather, um, amazing customer in the store today. Early in the day, we were really busy. Apparently too busy for this idiot. There was a long line at the front desk, and the pages for another cashier were going unanswered. This guy didn't feel like waiting in line just to purchase one book, so he just left the store.

With the book.

How do I know this? He called later to complain about the situation and to tell the manager the lengths he had been driven to. He was rather startled that he was expected to actually return to the store to pay for the book, and that the manager DID NOT agree that he was in the right.

If the manager hadn't been so stunned by the call, she would have gotten a credit card number.

And now for a real post.

Best title I have seen in a long time: The Corporate Fraud Handbook. You have to look at the front cover to see that the subtitle includes the words "Prevention" and "Detection". I can't help but think that a lot of people are disappointed by the subtitle.

I overheard the most amazing teenage girl one day. I just had to take notes on what she said. Yes, I was in the next aisle and she couldn't see me.

"I think that acting should reflect reality, and there are people out there with weirdly-shaped heads. All of the weird-headed people should be represented."

Then she started talking about being called for jury duty. "It's cool that all of the older people who, like, tell me what to do were told what to do by the judge. One guy had a whole lot of excuses shot down." I wish I heard what the excuses were. She wasn't done with the subject of justice after that. "I wouldn't have a problem finding a criminal guilty, but if I thought the crime wasn't really a crime, like selling pot or vandalism...." In this country, we call that jury nullification, and it isn't exactly encouraged. I hope I am never in the same courtroom as this girl. Especially if I am victimized by a vandal.

I had a customer later who wanted to know where our pseudo fiction was. I never did figure out what he wanted. He kept saying that it was history, but not entirely true, but it wasn't fiction. I would ask him if he wanted historical fiction, but he would tell me it wasn't fiction. I would ask if maybe history was the section he was looking for, and he would inform me that what he wanted wasn't entirely true. Come on, man. Was it fiction, non fiction, or by James Frey?

Back in the children's department, we had a display with a little ship on it. Because the ship was made out of cardboard, it was quickly broken. My nun coworker took it to the back and added a sign that said "Avast ye swabs, she lists!" I love my coworkers, most of them, anyway.

We had a customer who stood right next to the computer we use as a timeclock, facing away from the back room. He, um, had a problem with his pants. No one had ever told him to "Just say no to crack." I nearly told him that the lights were bright enough, and we didn't need a full moon in the store. This guy seriously displayed a good four inches of buttcheek goodness, with no sign of undies. He was wearing a belt, oddly enough. There was much giggling among the staff.

Dumb customer of the week? Asked me where the paperbacks were. At the time, I was doing zonework, on a shelf full of paperbacks, and was holding a paperback book in my hand. She waited patiently while I stared at her and said "Um."

A little kid in a stroller amused me by chanting "I want that" at every item in the center aisle. I don't think he got anything. Another small child ran up to the front door, screaming at the top of her lungs in full tantrum mode. Her father followed, resignedly saying "I love you too."

A woman came in, looking for books in the business section to help her run "the worst-managed restaurant ever." One of her friends had recommended a book for her - The Prince by Machiavelli. Remind me to never work for that friend.

I was helping another customer when a little old lady grabbed my shoulder and shoved me aside with all of her strength. My customer and I watched after her in sheer astonishment, until we saw that she was chasing after a small child making a run for the front door. The grandmother barely kept her from running out into the lot. Once again, assaulted by a customer. As with the time I was goosed by a toddler, I decided to not press charges. I'm glad she got the kid in time.

Oh, and customers? We have posters up all over the place to advertise the coming arrival of the latest and last in the Harry Potter series. It has even been mentioned in the news a number of times. Therefore, please do not get annoyed with me when you ask for "the Happy Potter book" and I assume you mean the new one and not book four. Thank you!

That's all from the little notepad I carry at work. Now, I go crash. I have worked for six days on a row, starting with one of those horrible early morning shifts. :P At least I won't have to be at work that early any more.

It was supposed to be a quiet day and, for the most part, it was. We all expected that the forecast thunderstorms would keep everyone indoors, and that people would wait for tomorrow's sales to do their shopping. No one was terribly worried when one person called out in the cafe, then another cafe worker had to leave early. We would be a little bit short on employees, but it had been a quiet day.

The second half of my shift, I had one coworker I could call for backup, if need be. I did call W a couple of times, but the lines were quickly dealt with. Manager JD was impatient to get home, so she pulled all of the till except for mine at about 8:40, twenty minutes before we closed. No more backup after that.

Then they came.

Mere moments after JE carried the "extra" tills back, I had a line of about 15 people. It felt like a stampede. For reference, we are supposed to call for backup if there are four people in line for every cashier. But I couldn't call for backup. All of the other registers were closed down for the night.

Not a huge problem, I thought. After all, the mystery shoppers don't come in that late. And I know I am fast at ringing people up. I would have that line gone in no time.

Wrong.

People kept coming up. I did the "we will be closing in fifteen minutes" announcement while I was scanning a customer's purchase. He congratulated me on my multi-tasking abilities. Despite my skill, the line had grown a bit longer. I would have sent some customers to the cafe, but I knew they were probably facing the same kind of rush.

The line was no shorter when I made the closing announcement. We have officer G in the store, who is still new to the store and hadn't realized the importance of locking and guarding the door at close. I caught a couple of people coming in, but convinced them that we were really closed. I think a hint of my desperation to get through the line may have shown through, as they turned around pretty quickly.

The customers kept coming to the front.

JD came out of the cashroom and saw my predicament. By that time, the cafe had been abandoned by customers, so she called a few people to be rung up at that register. I could have kissed her.

It was after 9:15 when I rang up the final customer. There had been customers in line constantly for the 35 minutes leading up to then, without a break. The last fifteen minutes the store is open, we generally only have about four or five customers ring out - it's the cafe that is usually busy until we close the doors.

What the hell? December in May?

By the way, we did get those storms. One was truly spectacular, making it impossible to see the other side of the parking lot for several minutes. I'm glad for it - that storm gave me the energy to get through the end of the shift.

Oh, and one customer there at the end? I think he believed me when I told him it was a quiet, boring night. Never mind the line he had waited in, that still snaked around the ropes behind him. Is my sense of humor that hard to interpret?

Maybe tomorrow will be better. It's supposed to be a quiet day.

What a day.



If tomorrow is like that....

A man walked into the bookstore and was greeted with "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" by a woman.

The man asked "Did you call me?"

"Yes, and I could hear your phone beeping, but I couldn't figure out where you were!"

"That's because my phone is in your purse."


Attention customers:

If you are looking for a book with a title like Secret Life of Saeed the Pessoptimist, please have some idea of how to spell the title, and don't continue to repeat the title even more quickly than before. Thank you!


I found out about this one a couple of minutes after I got to work today. We were scammed by a kid. I don't know how old the brat was - estimates range from 10 to 15, but there is no arguing about what he did. He took three books off the shelf and "returned" them for store credit. Cute, huh? Well, he's in for a surprise when he tries to use it because the manager on duty canceled it.


Another kid provided me with the laugh for the day. This little one (about three years old) had great fun running up and down the center aisle. The mother had no hope of keeping up with her. There was much playing and shrieking with delight, and then the mother had enough and decided to head home with the kid. Naturally, the little girl was the first at the front door. She then pointed imperiously at the cafe and yelled "WE NEED COFFEE!!!" Yeah, that's exactly what the kid needed.


In other news, I have gotten sick of the snark communities and the bitterness that seems to be behind the majority of the posts, and have decided to start my own humor community. So, if you like, please join i_laughed and post the things that make you laugh. I got one community off the ground, so let's see if I can do it again.

I just posted this in customers_suck.

I am so glad I didn't take this phone call.

I was shopping in a bead store a while back when I heard the phone ring, and one of the beadsellers answered it. I didn't hear most of the conversation, but I noted that it was long and the guy who took the call was becoming increasingly annoyed.

Now, I always take my time in a bead shop (I am a total bead freak) but I was moving even more slowly than usual because I wanted to hear about this one.

Since I work in retail, the beadseller was more than happy to tell me what happened.

A teenage girl called to ask how much it would cost to make a bead choker.

Let me tell you how why this is a question that is difficult to answer.

I own beads that cost less than a penny apiece. I own other beads that cost more than a hundred dollars. Apiece. And I own beads at just about every price in between. This wide a range of prices is amazingly common. And she didn't know what kind of beads she wanted, how many beads, what kind of stringing material, what kind of design, or, well, anything about the necklace she wanted to make other than the length. Did she want plastic, glass, stone, pearl, crystal, art glass, Czech glass, wire, ribbon, lace, faerie dust, or elephant droppings dipped in paint? We will never know. She hung up the phone in disgust when Bead Dude couldn't answer her "simple" question.

Nothing that the bead guy told her could convince her that he would need more information. Nothing.

*sigh* Sucky customers should not be allowed to intrude on my precious bead shopping time.

The one thing that makes me feel just a little bit better? This particular bead merchant is notorious for being rude about the membership card at the bookstore where I work, and no one needs yet another lecture about how evil it is that we charge for our card. Seriously.

This happened a while ago, but this silly girl still makes me giggle.

I miss my old supervisor at work. He has a great sense of humor, and was always happy to let me do my job without a lot of meddling. Work was more fun when he was in the building than when he wasn't there.

Then he transfered.

*sigh*

I have been dealing with his replacement for a few weeks now. She is, well, not quite the same.

I recognize that we have a new store manager now. I noticed when the old one left and I realized when the new one came in. I have spoken to the new GM a number of times and he seems like a nice guy. I also know that, when someone new is in charge, things change. I was fully aware that some of these changes would affect my job, and it turns out that I was right to expect that.

The former GM focussed on completing as much of our zonework as we could. This meant that we had to short something. In my case, I was not paying as much attention to some of the details like dusting and shelf labels. The message I continually got was that the dusting could be done by the other booksellers when things were slow, and that the shelf labels could be replaced when there was time.

The new GM is big on details. He wants everything perfectly dusted. He wants the shelf labels replaced as soon as they show any signs of wear. He is pushing through some of the displays that former managers had felt we didn't really have the space for. Getting everything done is less important to him than making sure that everything is perfectly done.

None of this is bad, in my opinion. Just different. I am more than willing to change with the new expectations. Just tell me what needs to be done, and I'll do it.

My new supervisor didn't quite get that.

Every meeting I had with her left me wanting to tear my hair out. She implied that I was doing a bad job because I was working to the old standards rather than the new. She didn't see that, when she told me what was now expected, I got it and I didn't need to be lectured on it endlessly. If the words "TPS memos" and "cover sheets" make you wince, then you know what the conversations were like. Nothing I said seemed to get through to her.

The supervisor I had before the guy who left sat in on the last meeting, and apparently spoke with the GM on my behalf.

The GM called me in for a meeting very soon afterwards. He feels that the new lead, who happens to work in Old Supervisor's section, is in over her head and would do better starting with a simpler zone (like mine). He asked me if I would be willing to switch. If the room had been bigger, I would have done cartweels.

He also emphasized that he felt I was doing an outstanding job and that he was glad that I was so willing to change with the new expectations.

I was really trying to keep an open mind about NS. She is new, and she really doesn't know me that well. OS told me after that meeting that she really thinks that NS is a nice person, and that she will do a lot better as time goes on.

But I feel so much happier knowing that I won't be dealing with NS as a direct supervisor any more.

I hadn't realized how much this was bothering me until I learned it wouldn't be a problem anymore.

A couple of short laughs from the bookselling world:

A couple of people walked up to the desk together and one of the guys asked if we had any copies of a book entitled The Elements of Murder. The other one turned to him and said "Dude, what are you reading that for?" He seemed a bit freaked out. The one asking for the book shrugged and said something about how it looked interesting. After I found the book and handed it it to the first guy (yay bookseller standards) the other one muttered "I think he's lost it. I think he's completely lost it." It did look like a pretty macabre title.

Someone asked me "Do you have Animal House oopsImeanFarm." She had to laugh at herself for that one. But, hey, they're practically the same thing, right?

This last one bothered me. A woman asked me if we had any books on learning Arabic. No, that's not at all what bothered me. As I walked her to the section, she told me "My son is in high school and he's thinking of taking it and I want to convince him it's too hard. I want him to take Latin." What? First off, if he's in high school, he has a pretty good idea of what he is capable of learning. Second, there is a tremendous demand for people who speak Arabic. He could practically write his own paycheck. Third, why shouldn't he challenge himself? Fourth, get off his case and let him learn what he wants. Grumble.

It wasn't a bad day, but I did have a couple of memorable customers.

One wanted The Secret on DVD. I am not obsessed with this thing. Really, truly I'm not. It's the rest of the book world that is obsessed.

Anyway, I found a copy and handed it to her (I am so relieved that she didn't want the book - we're out again) and thought all was hunky-dory.

Nope. She asked me "Is it any cheaper on Amazon?"

Why would I know? Why would I care? Even if I did know, why should I tell her?

She only got a little bit grumpy when I told her that I had no earthly idea what Amazon was charging. Honestly, it is an expensive DVD at $34.99. I hope it is longer than the book.

I also spoke with a man who was a little bit tired of shopping. He was a part of a small group with two women intent on finding a new book on poker and two men who thought it was a waste of a great deal of time.

I was happily doing zonework a few shelves away.

One of the men turned to me and asked "Do y'all sell beer?" His companions were amused, as was I.

"No, I'm afraid we don't."

"Well, I'm going to need a beer soon."

After much giggling, the women chose some books and they headed for the registers. I think they may have gone to the nearest bar afterwards, but I can't be sure.

When I was taking my last break, I decided to grab a Dilbert book off the shelf to entertain myself. As we booksellers aren't allowed to take unpaid merchandise into the breakroom, this meant finding a quiet spot on the sales floor to escape to. Normally not an issue.

Today, however, there was a youngish couple who decided to severely distract me from Scott Adam's wit.

The woman wanted to show the man a book that she thought he might be interested in. I'll call her Low Self Esteem Girl. Not Interested Dude felt that the book wasn't quite what he was looking for.

Low Self Esteem Girl apologized. Not Interested said it was fine, and sounded like he meant it. LSEG apologized again, and was again reassured that she hadn't done anything wrong. LSEG started talking about how stupid she was, that she should have known better, that she was really sorry. All of this was spoken in a whiny tone of voice. NID kept telling her it wasn't a big deal.

This conversation continued the entire time I was on break, just inches from where I was sitting. At one point LSEG kicked me by accident, but only apologized to her boyfriend, and still just about the book.

Yeesh.

I would have moved if other customers hadn't blocked my escape routes. I could have pushed my way through, but I hate doing that and it usually leads to someone asking me if I work there.

It was all very strange.

Tonight, I was head cashier for the third time this week. The fact that we are now down to two head cashiers may have played a role - it is January, and we are hiring, which is not that great a sign for a store. Next week, I only have to endure this for one day.

Customer of the day? The woman who wanted to give me her dollar coins for bills because the coins "gave her the creeps." That's a new one. She said it as if everyone found them creepy.

I doubt she'll like the new dollar coins either. When will people realize they are inevitable, and will save the taxpayer dollars that we are supposed to care about?

The main American argument against dollar coins? "I don't like them." Beyond that, there are arguments about cashier drawers (usually from people who never have to deal with them) and vending machines and that they are "too similar to quarters". I think people just don't like change (pun not intended).

Feel free to argue.

I also loved the guy who wanted me to have an argument over the Member Card and how bad he thought it was. I tried to change to subject to, well, the transaction at hand, but he still wanted me to discuss why Amazon is supposedly better than we are. That is not a pissing match I want to get into, especially when there is a line. I finally had to tell him "You are complaining about things that I have no control over. Now, did you want your receipt in your bag or your wallet?"

I am a bookseller. Other than providing the best customer service I reasonably can, it is not my job to defend company decisions. Really, it isn't.

In other news, the company president now has a blog. The reading is interesting, especially the question and answer session that comes in the comments.

Someone asked why there wasn't a bookseller blog, for asking questions, finding solutions, and just communicating with other booksellers.

I am a little afraid of revealing that there are two right here on LJ, and that I am in charge of one of them.

The best part of my day was seeing sir_alf and faekitty. I was so glad to see you guys and get hugs! I only wish I had the chance to talk to you guys longer.

The customer I posted about earlier came in just after you left, by the way. I'm so glad you didn't have to deal with that before eating. Blech.

My lack of posts last week was because I was on vacation. Nothing really exciting - I slept in and was lazy - but I was ready for it. I missed out on the trip to see trio_plus_one because Mom forgot I was off. Thank you for the gifts, by the way. Beads and lavender bath stuff, yay! And you picked out the prettiest beads!

I did well for presents this season, especially considering how grinchy I was. I got a photo printer and a car navigation system. Shiny.

I did have one customer today (OK, yesterday now) who was the customer of the day until the ew incident. She was a mother who asked of her college-age son "Why do you want to get that book if you don't need it for class?" I felt a little piece of my soul wither away when I heard that.

One more note: That coach I mentioned earlier? His BAL was measured at 2.0. More than twice the legal limit here. Idiot.

Dear beloved, wonderful bookstore customers, I have one little request for you.

( cut for minor annoyance )

Thank you! *sparklesmile*

ps. It was four bloody shelves in our language section.

Some more bookstore adventures:

A guy asked me for a book that would change his life. Gee, no pressure there. He wanted a novel, but not one that had a Message. He hated The Alchemist (can't say I blame him) and he told me he was too cynical for that sort of book. I ended up handing him The Mists of Avalon and told him about how it really opened my eyes to the importance of point of view in telling and understanding a story, whether it be a legend or a chapter in history. He ended up buying the book and I impressed the hell out of the new assistant manager (who told me she had no clue what she would have recommended).

I overheard another guy say "I want to work here sometime and just bitch people out." I work there and have to bitch to coworkers and vent in a blog.

I was happily (OK, crankily) doing zone work in Art when I heard a couple of guys talking in the Sports section. One of them nearly made me laugh out loud. "They have a lot of books on surfing, but I can't find anything on the philosophy of surfing." I am very glad that he did not seek me out for help.

I had a hard time looking up a book for a customer recently, and he asked me what information he needed "so that I don't have to go through this next time". I cheerfully printed off the information and handed it to him. This is what I should have said: "You can tell me if the random syllables you just spouted off are the author's name or the title, and you can tell me before I have to ask you twice. You can correct me when I ask three times if I have the author's first name right (and for the record, Megan does not rhyme with vegan). And you can spell the (three versions of) the title slowly enough for me to type it in. This is especially true when the name in the title is an Italian name with many l's i's and p's.

Finally, we had a screaming toddler in the store today. This is a common occurrence but this kid was loud enough to stand out, and the grandfather was carrying the kid back to the children's department when I first heard the little angel (this is not the way to make a bookseller happy, by the way - take the kid home!). While reshelving something in the teen section, I overheard the mother asking "What's the matter, Jacob? Are you tired?" First, no shit. Second, do you really think the kid is going to admit it?

And that's all for now.

Only one more shopping day until Christmas. Tomorrow (well, actually today) should be fun.

Some highlights from the last Saturday before Christmas:

To my first customer of the day - I performed every keyword search I could think of and found nothing in stock that had anything to do with diamond mines in Kansas. I can tell you with almost absolute certainty that there is nothing in the bookstore, or in any other bookstore in Charlottesville, that has anything to do with diamond mines in Kansas. When you said "I'll look around, I'm sure there is something here," I nearly laughed. I hope you enjoyed your wild goose chase.

For much of the day, the tiny little information desk was crammed with booksellers. There are only three computers, but there were often four or five of us in the there. It was during one of these times when a customer pushed his way into our little claustrophobic hell. Why? To put something in our trash can, which was already as crammed as the desk itself. I wonder if he realized how annoyed I was when I pointed out the much larger trash can about five feet away.

Dear customers: When I say "excuse me, pardon me," what I really mean is "FUCKING MOVE!!!!!" Do you not see that I am leading another customer or carrying an armload of things that other customers were to lazy to put away or take to the desk? Why are you blocking the entire aisle in the first place?

I had a customer pull me aside today for two reasons. One was to tell me that he had been in our store once before. The second was to tell me, very proudly, that his hometown was the site chosen for the George W. Bush presidential library. That's one way to chase me back to the information desk.

Someone else called to check up on his order. I found it, and there was a note saying that the customer had been notified that the book had arrived - more than two weeks ago. He was lucky that no one has had the time to clean out the holds lately. He was very glad that it was there, and asked if I would hold it for five days. Then it dawned on him. "Oh, shit! I have to pick it up tonight if I want it by Christmas! I'll be there later tonight!" Dude, thanks for the laugh.

Manager S paged me at one point to ask if I had the medicine she wanted in my locker, also known as the store CVS branch. "Benadryl? No, I'm afraid I don't have any," I told her and a couple of customers near me chuckled. "You'll need something stronger than that, lady," one of them told me. He also said he would drink some egg nog for me. I assume it was spiked.

Finally, a day off. I needed it badly. Dad has just had shoulder surgery, so he asked me if I'd be willing to drive him around today do do some Christmas shopping, and that was all I had to do all day. It was a lot of time shopping, but not nearly as stressful as work. I actually feel rested.

It won't last.

Some highlights from yesterday:

A guy called saying that he had some antique silver spoons and that someone had told him that we did appraisals. He seemed happy enough when I told there was a chance we had a book he could look at that might have the information he wanted.

There was yet another guy asking if we were still hiring for the holidays. Is anyone?

The pay phone rang again. I was a little bit worried, because I have answered it before, and have been faced with 911 returning a hangup call (more than once), an obscene phone call (that kept me from touching the thing for a while) and a fax machine. This time, it was a modem. Reason #6972543 to love high-speed internet.

Finally, I know that this is the time of year when we sell out of a lot of things, but I somehow never thought that the works of Ayn Rand would be big sellers for Christmas. Nevertheless, the shelves are almost completely bare of anything by her, and we normally have 3/4 of a shelf of her work in fiction.

I shouldn't be surprised. We also sell a lot of copies of The Bell Jar this time of year.

'Tis the season for selfishness and depression, after all.

Yay! I got a card from Krys! You guys are going to make me feel guilty for not sending any cards this year. Maybe next year I can get my act together.

Today, I had a customer call in asking if we had a hardcover copy of The Count of Monte Cristo. I did a little bit of hunting and found that we had a collection of three of Dumas' novels (including Count) that was unabridged and published by B&N so it had a bargain price. It was actually the price that the guy objected to. When I told him it was $12.95 he told me it was "too good to be true" and that I need not put it on hold. Yesterday, I got the complaint that the order would be too fast, and today I hear that a book is too inexpensive. I give up. I don't know what customers want.

This afternoon, a guy asked me if we were still hiring for the holidays. Um, no. Call us back next year.

I helped another woman with a short list of books. I knew the titles, and took her straight to the books, and all went well. She then informed me that I was "a good girl". Lovely. I say the same thing to my cats when they do as I ask.

The worst customer of the day was the last one. After she checked out, she insisted on using the restroom. This was twenty minutes after the store closed. I heard later that she was the same one who was in the store last week, returning items that she had purchased a year ago (and that had since been clearanced out of inventory). She had also tormented lead C in the children's department for nearly half an hour today. It was 11:30 by the time she finally left. Needless to say, we were late in leaving for the night.

The cafe manager is now insisting that I do an additional announcement for the cheesecakes that the cafe has for sale, bringing the total up to six announcements every hour. I think I am only going to do the extra announcement when I know he is in the store. As it is, it is very difficult to keep up with the schedule. We do have a few customers in the store these days. And a few things to put away. And a few nervous breakdowns to endure.

And tomorrow, I get to do it all over again.

*keep your sense of humor ... keep your sense of humor ...*

I have succumbed. I bought a little notepad to keep notes on what I want to blog. I think this is a bad sign of something. I don't quite know what.

Krys - thank you for the card! That was so sweet. I'm doing OK, although I am still pretty well dropped out of celebrating the holidays. No cards, and few gifts. I still can't bring myself to do a whole lot.

Now for the adventures from the store.

The other day, there was a new guy at the information desk. He had been working for a few days in the cafe but had not had any real experience on the book side. Sticking him at the desk was not a nice thing to do. Naturally, he had a lot of questions.

As I was about to step away from the desk to help a customer, he called out to me to ask where the Shakespeare books were located. I quickly told him that they were at the end of fiction, and right next to the drama section. Then I started walking with my customer. Behind me, I could hear lead S saying "Drama? That's just to the left of the Shakespeare section."

We are so helpful.

I did check up on the guy as I returned to the desk, and he had found the right place.

Today, I had a phone customer who startled me a little bit. First, she said that she was not in that much of a hurry to get her books - that they were not Christmas presents. Fantastic. No worries about yet another complaint that it was too late to guarantee holiday delivery. Well, the first book she wanted was on hand at the warehouses, so I told her it would arrive in three to eight business days. No, no, that was too soon. She didn't need it that quickly. Was there any way to slow that down?

What?

I started rubbing that spot between the brows where that kind of headache starts, and told her that we would hold the book for two weeks when it arrived. That helped. Then I had the news that the second book was on backorder and would take a longer time to come in - we really can't predict well with backorders. Now, she wanted me to come up with a way to get both books at the same time. Aiyiyi.

Then, there was the woman who asked me where the "books with stuff that is in museums and that were lightweight" were located. She meant art museums. Art books are generally not lightweight. I showed her where the art section was and pretty much left her to her own devices. It wasn't good enough. She asked a newer bookseller the same question, and got the same answer.

While picking up random abandoned books for reshelving, I found two books stacked next to a chair. One was What to Expect the First Year, a staple for new parents. The other was a travel guide for Tahiti. Interesting combination.

Overheard earlier tonight: "Lindsay Lohan couldn't string together a coherent sentence if she wanted to." I fully agree. I just didn't expect that to come up in a conversation between two middle-aged men.

One week until Christmas. I can't wait for the madness to be over. The shelves are emptying at an alarming rate, the announcements are playing in my nightmares, and there are too many people I have to deal with at work. It's not just the constant demands for help, it's the simple chore of trying to walk through the store that is driving me freaking nuts. It's finding a parking space and getting to the store without being run over. It's being within arm's length of a book and not being able to grab it because of the parade of shoppers between me and it, and the three people asking for help before I can grab the book that the customer I already had wanted. I am worn out.

And I know that January will be almost as busy, at least for the first couple of weeks.

*recites mantra of "keep your sense of humor ... keep your sense of humor ... keep your sense of humor"*

My head hurts. My joints hurt. My chest hurts. Not even Nyquil seems to be helping that much anymore. Bleah.

I seem to have come down with the chest cold from hell. I can't sleep very well, when I wake up I hurt even more, and I just don't have the energy to do much of anything else. I constantly have to cough but it makes me head hurt so much.

And this is me feeling a lot better than I did the day before yesterday.

I really hope I can make it through the day tomorrow. I called out for today, which I know was a real pain in the ass for all of my coworkers. But I was half dead.

There was one bit of excitement on Friday that broke through my fog of pain-and-feeling-like-shit. The fire alarm went off. Oh, joy. All I needed was a loud screech and flashing lights going off in the store while we try to convince everyone that it would be a good idea to leave. One woman truly amazed me. I caught her walking toward the back of the store and I called out to her "Ma'am, that's the fire alarm. We have to get everyone out of the store!"

She turned towards me, holding her fingers against her ears to block out as much of the cacophony as she could. "Not until I pee," she informed me, and walked off to the restrooms, leaving me with my jaw agape.

It turned out that a customer had leaned against the alarm, but still....

Yep, it is definitely the holiday season now.

I had to park way out of sight of the store (not cool since I got out at midnight and nothing was open near my car).

It was seriously too busy in the store for me to do several of the announcements.

People are starting to ask the vague "I don't know if they make this kind of book" kind of questions.

The first round of "you must buy these books for Christmas presents" pieces are being run during the morning shows - and we're already out of a couple of those titles.

People were complaining that there weren't enough cashiers, when all of the registers were running. The lines really weren't that long, folks. Complain again when the line gets back to the information desk.

Much to my chagrin, the managers finally realized that one of my coworkers had changed the music channel (three days ago) and switched the system back to pop Christmas crap. Gggrrrr. I was not in the mood to hear mind-numbingly stupid lyrics about how wonderful the season mixed in with old "favorites" redone by those not talented enough to buy new songs. Excuse me while I retch into the wastebasket.

The next time Lead C loudly declares that he is putting away a magazine (that I handed him while he was reading a newspaper) when there are stacks of magazines and books that need reshelving, he may not survive.

Good wishes go out to Bookseller B, who may have cracked a rib when he fell off a stepstool today. The poor guy was clearly in a lot of pain.